Of Tired of Waiting

There are people around the world who worries about real issues, like fighting lupus, cancer, and how do you deal with suddenly having to care for two young nephew and niece.

Made my problems seem so small. 

Shit.

I miss him a lot. Small things like prawns made me think of him.

Whenever we eat prawns, he'll break the head off his prawn, and put it on my plate.

Because i told him once i love sucking the juice off a prawn's head.

Because i cook a lot of late, i need to clean up the dishes as well. Cleaning the dishes and the sink made me think of him too. If he was around, he'll clean these dishes up himself. My cooking might be up to his standard, but not my cleaning.

It's been 95 days now. 95 days of my own personal Vietnam war. It's the rule of the jungle in my head.

When i miss him, i question my integrity. Should i just let my guard down and tell him how i feel? 

[Oh no, you don't, loser. When you miss him, just acknowledge that feeling and let it go.]

People say I will find a nice gentleman someday. I think these people see a tall nerd who works as an engineer or a lawyer. Even a doctor.

I should have died you know. When someone you spent half you life with said he doesn't love you anymore, you should die. And you would want to die. The pain when it all happened could send a fatal signal to your brain, shutting you down forever. 

But it's surprising to know that you don't die from a heartbreak. The heart has the capability to heal on its own if you allow it to.

I wish i could tell him to come home, but i know he's still searching for himself.

And I'm getting tired of waiting.