Of Goodbye to Fred

I made the mistake of sharing a few really personal relationship details with Fred when I thought he was safe.

He told my ex that we've been in contact. 

I am not bothered to question his motive. All i know is, it serves no purpose.

So, why was i pissed? Because my trust was breached. I shared certain information about my relationship because i trusted him. 

I can't take back what has been said. I am trying to regain a little self control today.

However, the thing about defense mechanism is, it leaves you feeling like a bitch.

I spoke to Fred after avoiding him for a couple of days. He explained that he felt the need to tell my ex that we have been keeping in touch because another friend (and a known male gossip) saw him chatting with me and started to tease him about it.

"Your ex will know soon, and I rather he hear it from me and not from other people". He justified.

True, i had issue with the entire I-Told-Your-Ex-We've-Been-In-Contact bit. But after sitting on it for the past couple of days, I think the root cause all these bad feelings is this: Me and him being in contact.

"I'm not putting any blame on you. This is not your problem to begin with. Don't make it yours." I said.

"I'm not talking about you and your ex's problem. I am talking about you and I. I feel like i'm losing a friend".

Calmly, I told him that we need to take a step back and do some damage control. We need to accept that we should not be in contact. I take the blame. I should have just confided in my own circle of friend. 

However, what was shared was shared. I cannot take it back. I've lost control of it. 

"Moving forward, let's minimize contact. Nothing good will come out of this. You feeling paranoid and feeling the need to come clean were just the tip of the iceberg. Bigger problem awaits if we don't address the root cause of the problem. Soon your friends will gossip, and no matter how you try to explain it, people have the tendency to believe in gossips. And then you'll find yourself losing your friends because people sided with him." I explained.

I know i'm acting way ahead of myself, but i have to protect my heart. 

No one will rain on my parade.

On a lighter note, my ex wanted to meet up to return my watch yesterday. 

I didn't think i was ready to meet him.